I hate taxes. I hate them because they’re everywhere. If I make money, I pay income tax. If I spend money, I pay sales tax. It seems to me that I should be taxed once and then what’s mine is mine. As the saying goes, “nothing is certain but death and taxes.” Yet, now the two are more intertwined than ever. Even when you die, the government gets a chunk of your money on its way to your relatives thanks to the Death Tax. They are inescapable. But the good news is I have a plan.
Most people who hate taxes feel that the government is not putting the money to good use. They disagree with the billions spent each day on the war or want to see education receive more funding or hit the same pothole at the end of their street on the way to work each morning. Sure I’d like to see all those things change, but that’s not my main beef with taxes.
The worst part of taxes is knowing how much you would really have if the government didn’t take a chunk out of your paycheck. It’s right there on your pay stub every Friday. You can’t miss it. The joy of getting paid always comes with the mixed emotion of seeing some of it taken immediately. That’s why I propose the first-ever Blind Tax. Take whatever you want, just don’t tell me about it. Let me be happy with what I have. This would also make doing your taxes a lot easier.
Each January I get a bunch of forms in the mail. W-2. 1099. 1099-Div. 1098 A. 1098 B. R2D2. The stack is enormous and doesn’t make any sense to me. Evidently if an account I started when I was a kid and have never touched makes three cents annually I have to fill out 12 pages. Even if you just have a W-2, filing your taxes can take hours. From your employer’s Tax ID number to your Adjusted Gross Income, you have to fill out blank after blank and even one mistake could lead to an anal probe from the IRS.
I sat down yesterday afternoon and did my taxes. I file them electronically. It costs my $9. Here are the two interesting things I learned from the experience. First, anyone who owned, used or practically looked at a phone last year was eligible for some credit. I’m not sure how much it was, but I took it. Secondly, no matter how much I make, I’m always going to get the same amount back. Last year, the year before, this year- it’s all the same within like fifty bucks. And just so you don’t think I’m a moron, I’ve made different amounts of money over those three years, with the government taking larger chunks, but my refund remains the same.
I never thought I’d say this, but Montana has it right. They are one of a small number of states that don’t have sales tax. Making things cost what the price tag says is step one in my new tax plan. Don’t charge me $19.99 either. Round up. I don’t want your penny. The second step is the all-important Blind Tax I laid out earlier. Let it start with employers. Make my salary match my paycheck. You deal with the government. Leave me out if it. Thirdly, when it comes time to file taxes- let’s not. Save the paper, save the stamps, save my time and just send me a check at the end of April with the same amount I always get. Thanks.
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