Clear and Presents Danger

There is one aspect of Christmas that is by far everyone’s favorite. Decorated trees are nice. Snow is an added bonus. The food is plentiful and delicious. However, no mug of spiked egg nogg or string of flashing lights can hold a candle to getting presents. We’re told from a young age that it is better to give than receive, but that’s not true. Sure it’s fun to pick out the perfect present for your friend or loved one and see their expression when they open it, but the next step is finding out what they got you in return. If it was truly better to give than receive it wouldn’t be awkward when a person who you’ve bought nothing for gives you a present. That’s why Christmas shopping can be so stressful. You have to buy a gift for not only your loved ones, but anyone who you think might get you something.

There are ways to avoid the inevitable awkwardness of a one-sided gift exchange. If someone gives you a present while you’re out and about you can just tell them their gift is at home. That will buy you a day or so to actually get them something. Or you can be proactive and buy a generic gift that will work for just about anyone and keep it with you at all times. Leave it in the trunk of your car or in your book bag and claim the tag must’ve fallen off when you hand it to them. If you’re faced with a surprise gift giver at your house, the only recourse is to tell them you ordered their present online and it hasn’t arrived yet. No matter how you’re presented with an unexpected gift, the important thing is not to panic. Anyone who gets you something for Christmas considers your friendship stronger than it actually is, so they’ll want to believe whatever excuse you come up with.

Another one of my favorite forced giving situations is the Secret Santa or White Elephant party. These can be amazing fun and I’m not knocking them, but they can also be torture. The worst example of this is the company or corporate version. Buying scented lotion for the girl three cubicles down is about as fun as receiving McDonald’s dollars from the guy in the mailroom. Essentially the Secret Santa office party is trading $25 cash for something equivalent in value, but of no desire to anyone. And why do people insist on telling everyone who they had. It’s Secret Santa! Secret. Trust me, no one wants to know that you bought the Legos because you thought it’d be funny. Gag gifts usually don’t elicit much of a laugh outside of bachelor parties. Jesus wasn’t birthed into a mound of dirty hay so you could give me an oversize talking Budweiser mug the Friday before Christmas.

Speaking of inappropriate presents, I’d like to clear up a common misconception. Many people consider gift certificates to be in poor taste. They seem to indicate that the giver is lazy and thoughtless. I disagree. Sure you may have some lazy and thoughtless people in your life, but gift certificates are a great option. Cash is insensitive, but money designated to one store is a great idea. A gift card to Blockbuster says, “Hey, I know how much you like movies.” So this Christmas, stop by Target and Best Buy and stock up on gift certificates. They’re great for last minute lop-sided gift exchanges, office Secret Santa parties and friends/relatives who might live on the other side of the country. It’s certainly better to receive a gift card than a latex can coozie shaped like a condom.