Treat yourself to a little T.I.T.C. this holiday season

There are now officially 5 days until Christmas, which means it’s time to recall my favorite holiday memory. I’ve been racking my brain for the past week, but there isn’t a competition for number one. No party, gift or even meal can challenge the one memory that sticks out in my mind. It was exactly one year ago when a friend introduced me to the phenomenon that has consumed my waking life. In a mere forty minutes my world was turned upside down. Tears streamed down my face and I shook with side-splitting laughter. When it was over, I immediately began going through withdrawal. I wanted more, but there wasn’t any. Then I was angry that I had lived so long without it. I’m speaking of course of the hip-hopera by R. Kelly, “Trapped in the Closet.”

For those of you unfamiliar with this masterpiece, it is 12 chapters that detail the story of one man’s affair. Each chapter is its own song that is roughly 3 minutes long. Together they tell the tale of Sylvester (R. Kelly) and the events that take place after he cheats on his wife. The soon-to-be classic involves a cast of characters that you have to see to believe. There’s Twan, Sylvester’s brother-in-law, who just got out of prison. (I falsely believed for a while that his name was actually “Tron” which is way funnier.) There’s Bridget, who is cheating on her husband with a very unlikely stripper. And there’s James, a cop who sleeps with Sylvester’s wife, Gwendolyn. (James is played by Michael K. Williams who you may recognize as Omar Little from “The Wire.”) I’ll only mention Rosy the Nosy neighbor in passing.

I don’t want to spoil the plot for those of you who haven’t seen T.I.T.C., but I’d like to give you a few examples of why it’s so close to my heart. As a fan of rap music I’m accustomed to slant rhyme and understand its place in the hip hop community. However, no artist takes the twisting of words to the level that R. Kelly does. In one of his best moments, he rhymes “dresser” with “berretta.” In other instances he rhymes a word with itself. The brilliance of each chapter is that he ends it with a cliff-hanger line. For example, “The midget faints again...While Twan and Sylvester is trippin'...The midget's the baby's daddy; woo.” If that line alone doesn’t make you want to see it, I don’t know what will.

I’m doing my best to spread the word of “Trapped in the Closet.” I’ve introduced countless individuals to the magic and in turn they’ve passed it on to family and friends. Even those skeptical of R. Kelly because of his affinity for urinating on underage women have come around and seen the light. Don’t let any pre-conceived notions stop you from fully immersing yourself in this Hip-Hopera. If you buy yourself one thing this Christmas make it the “Trapped in the Closet” DVD. Skip the Egg Nogg. Avoid the Mistletoe. Don’t even hang the stockings. It will be the best $18 you’ve ever spent.